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| It's hard enough being a girl, but it's even harder being a Korean girl. I'm not sure I ever wanna visit Korea again. I think I would be too self-conscious there! “South Korea has the highest ratio of cosmetic surgeons to citizens worldwide.” How saaaaaaad. | | |
| So uh, I have reason to believe that I've found my calling in life, and that is to do good deeds whenever I am, apparently, at a gas station. I don't get many opportunities to help a stranger out, or maybe I just don't seek them out enough, but that's neither here nor there. Scenario 1 Sometime last year, I'm filling up my tank at the Exxon after gym, prolly round 11pm. So there I am, lookin all nasty, tryin to get the heck outta there asap so I can spare the public from having to look at me bein a sexy hot mess. There is another car filling up at the other end, and right as I finish I hear sounds of a body POSSIBLY hitting the floor. I'm like wtf? I look over hoping with all my body that somebody hasn't fallen and hurt themself, because I jus don't know if I can deal with that right now. But yeah, as luck would have it, an older lady about 50-ish or so, had tripped over the gas hose and fell on her head on the concrete. I stand and stare like a big dummy for like 5 secs. She is still on the floor, I'm scared shes no longer conscious, so I run over to her and I help her up and ask her if she's okay. Her forehead is bleeding and it's dripping on the concrete. She says she's okay but asks me to call her husband. She takes her cell phone, dials his number, and gives it to me. I'm not gonna lie, I was kinda like "you can't tell him yourself??" in my head. But I took the phone anyway and told her husband that his wife had fallen but was okay. And then we call 911. And then while we wait for the ambulance and her husband to arrive, we get to chatting. I learned her husband's a pastor at a local church, and her daughter works as a lifeguard for the gym I just came from. The ambulance finally arrived and took her away to make sure she didn't have a concussion or somethin like that. It did feel good knowing that I was able to somewhat help that night, especially considering there were no other cars around. About a week later, I got a thank you card in the mail with a $25 gift card. She remembered my name and had gotten my information from the gym. So sweet of her! Scenario 2 This past Sunday, I stopped by the 7-11 to fill up my gas. A distraught-looking lady at the pump behind me who had like 5 coins in her hand, mostly pennies, asked me if I had any change. She had run out of gas and her only credit card was not working. So I checked my wallet and all I had was a nickel. And then I realized she aint gettin nowhere with some stupid change. So I felt bad and I told her I'd put like 5 bucks on my card so she can get enough gas to get home. We talked for a bit, and I asked her where she was headed. She said her and her brother were come back from over the bay bridge from visiting their mom in the hospital, and they had tried their credit card at multiple gas stations but it did not work at any of them. On top of that, she had to keep the car running because once she turned the engine off it wouldn't start and she would have to jumpstart it again. Poor girl, she was having one heck of a crappy day. Hope she got home okay =P OK, I know it's only 2 incidents, and I didn't really do THAT much in both instances, but if anything it gave me a chance to connect with people I normally prolly wouldn't in any other situation. God works in some cool ways! YES? ye-p | | |
| I get lonely a lot, more than your average person I think...can't be all by myself for more than 1 hour at a time, or I'll just start thinking horrible depressed thoughts and craving some, ANY human interaction. I guess I thought most of my life that I was an introvert, just because I was so socially awkward and terrified of even one-on-one conversations with people who were not my immediate family. But turns out, I'm actually a shy extrovert....wtf? Being alone drains me, makes me feel like curling up into a little fetal position and sleeping for the rest of my life. But when I'm around people, that's where I get my energy from, it makes me feel alive and happy, life is great. Yes, it helps that one of my bestest girls is also a psych major and likes to dig inside ma head from time to time, sometimes uncomfortably so ;). I can't even count how many things I have discovered about myself through conversatin with her. Some things I noticed about my parents: ma daddy (yea I call my parents mommy and daddy, u wanna fide aboudd it?) would prefer staying home and watching movies w/a glass of wine over going out, and he loves spending alone time. Asked him the other day, "Do you ever get lonely when you're by yourself?" He said "No, never ever ever." My mommy, however, never goes anywhere without some company...if she needs to go to the supermarket, she has to take either my aunt, daddy, grandma, me, my sis or a friend to go with her. If someone can't go with her, she won't go. If I ever saw my mommy alone, I would probably die from the shock. She's also very very social and loves to talk, a LOT. I am some kind of a mixture of my parents...I'm independent in that I like to run errands alone, enjoy driving in my car alone, etc etc, but when it comes to downtime, I need someone to talk to and laugh with, even if it's just chatting online or texting, or we don't even have to talk....I just have to know that they're around me and that's comforting enough. I've been so extra thankful lately, for the friends and family God has given me. Without them I would be nothing. Couple weeks ago I read somewhere that what really determines happiness in life are the relationships you have with other people...it is soo true! Eh now I'm gettin all mushy and gushy and whatnot. Embarassing kinda, but oh well, nobody really does xanga anymore and that's a good thing because chances are only my closest friends will be reading this anyways, and they already love me, flaws and all. =P mwahs. | | |
| Growing up was hard and uncomfortable.….I think I was born insecure, always needing reassurance that I was capable, smart, not-annoying, not-ugly, not-fat, etc. I almost always needed a second opinion, and it even goes down to what outfit I am wearing that day, or whether one of my many quirky behaviors makes me weird. I think I have changed though, at least a little. Well I still ask about my outfits, but that’s just because I have to since I am not so much with the fashion….heh. But as for everything else about me, like my movies, music, weird habits, humor, interests, I’ve learned to accept that other people don’t need to think it’s cool for me to be “allowed” to like it or do it. Insecurities always come creeping back though - it’s like I can never ever escape that painfully shy chubby homely sad girl who barely had a social life before college. People who met me recently don’t believe me when I say I am actually a shy person, since all they see of me now is somebody who like seriously cannot control the volume of their voice and won’t even stop talking sometimes. I’m not exactly sure of the whens or whys or hows of this sudden burst of confidence, but I’m guessing it happened sometime between college graduation and now. But it’s still pretty amazing to me and I still don’t feel like I am being myself when I am this so-called “loud” social person. I’m not gonna lie, it feels really good to come out of the shell that I was in for the first 20+ years of my life. But at the same time I feel the pressure to hide my weakness and insecurity, and so I do. I kinda miss having that tendency to be vulnerable and needy. Those words look like they have such a bad connotation, and most of the time they do but I think it takes a strong woman to ask for what she wants, instead of pretending like all she needs is herself. Wouldn’t you agree? Some of my most memorable moments in my life were when I allowed myself to be openly vulnerable….the days when I thought life was one big Korean drama and I was the main character (I know, that is very self-centered). Most of the time I think I’m better off now, as someone who won’t allow themselves to get too attached to anything/anyone or at least pretend I'm not, but at the same time, is it such a good idea to be so closed off? A happy medium would be nice. I wish that were as easy as it sounds. But I’m afraid that once I do start letting my guard down, the floodgates will be opened and I will no longer respect myself. | | |
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awww I sooo feel this guy/girl. This was like well over half my life!!! Still happens occasionally too........awkward MOOSE!! | | |
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